A big pessimist.

I've always seen the glass as half empty instead of half full. I always seem to have a negative aspect on everything. I'm always thinking what if? Even when i know things are going well, i mess things up with saying what if this happens? What if that happens? This isn't a good way to think. No one should really be a pessimist, it makes life harder, you always worry about what's going to happen. Everyone should be optimistic.

Recently after my whole break up i have really had a bad way of seeing things. The pessimist in me just got worse and worse i just imagined all the things that could go wrong and what would happen if i saw him with somebody else. Suddenly it hit me... I'm young. I need to have fun, i needed to make a new start. I am now planning to be more optimistic because my saying at the moment is you never know what the future holds because it is true. You can't help what happens and you never know... you might end up better than what you were in the first place. Being optismitic really helps you get on with things and to get over people or things that have happened. I love the way i feel now. I feel good for once and the more and more that i think... the more i want to move on and get on with my life.

The next chapter.

I suppose you could say the worst is over. Broken hearts are healing, Smiles are arriving, Tears are drying and my friends are forever here. Going through a break up is tough but i really believe that all you need is your friends to help you along the way. Because of my friends i have been able to be happy and become myself again. My friends have been so amazing to me and have helped me so much. I love them all, i really do.

I am now starting a new chapter in my life. I am concentrating on my friends, college and health. I am currently trying to lose weight and eat more healthy. This has actually been making me feel so much more positive and happy about myself. I've always wanted to lose weight but i always had the problem with comfort eating but now, since the break up my apetite has been better so i don't eat too much. I would love to continue to lose weight so i feel so much better. I would love to join a gym but there isn't one close enough to me.

My college work is important to me now because i really want to be able to suceed. I am currently doing A2 in Graphics and ICT and i'm supposed to be doing Anthropology for AS because i dropped Art after the first year, but i currently have a clash in my timetable so i think i might need to change Anthropology which isn't good. I'm hoping to do well this year as i want to be able to keep my options open. I don't want to be stuck doing something i hate. I want choice and hopfeully choice is what i will get.

I must admit i have sometimes taken my friends for granted but now, i know how much they mean to me. I will never leave them out of my life ever again because they are my anti-depressant. They mean everything to me and i don't think i could live without them. They make me smile, laugh, feel so much better and just make my life so much better. I love them all and they will forever be in my life.

You never know what the future holds.

Well i've had a really rough week, but it can only make me stronger. A day after i wrote the blog about James... He left me. I've been devastated because i still really really like him, well love him more like, but all i'm trying to do now is stay strong and think that you never know what the future holds. It's true though. You don't. Life can surprise you. You can't predict what happens, who knows i could be back with him in the future or i could of found someone else.
The best thing is we are still friends. Just what i needed really because i didn't want him completely out of my life as he has been here so much for me and i depended on him a lot. I like knowing that he is okay and i also like seeing him even though it is hard because things are so different.
My friends have been amazing through this time. Hannah Williams, thank you so much for letting me staying over your house the other night when i really didn't want to go home alone. I had a really good night with you drinking and chatting to Alex on facebook whilst blazing out tunes haha. It was also nice to meet your sister and her boyfriend. They are lovely people just like you. Your bed is so comfy!! best night sleep i had in ages. Thank you so much for being here for me, you've been so nice to me and we shall have to do it again sometime. I will always be here for you like you have for me.
Erin Marie Crocker, you've been amazing to me. Thank you so much for letting me stay over the night James left me. You were so understanding and so lovely to me. You've taken good care of me. I loved staying up just talking about anything and everything, i havent spoken like that with someone for ages. I really enjoyed myself and it took my mind off my terrible evening. Was nice to be around a girl actually because i don't have many girl mates. I had a lovely time at yours and i hope we do that again soon. You should stay over mine soon. Thank you darling. I will always be here for you.
Kimberley Booth, I love you girl! I've known you for such a long time and i'm so thankful to have you as a friend. Thank you so much for being here for me. You say you're not good at giving advice but i think your advice really helped me darling. Even though we live like 2 houses away from each other we don't really spend as much time together as we used to and i miss the old times with you. We must see more of each other. I'm always here if you ever need me darling and you can talk to me or ask me anything. Your such a lovely girl and you're so smart too. I'm so jealous of you darling you're so gorgeous. Thank you so much darling.
Alex Sladden, you are so crazy, but so lovely. You've always been here for me since we got to college. Art and Graphics buddies. Well only graphics now as i have dropped art. I am going to miss not having you in 2 of my lessons. You're such a lovely boy. Oh and if i do grow old as a crazy cat woman, you are getting the cats in my will. You will have 100 new cats and you'll have to remember all of their names haha. You will love it. I will leave you a little bit of money too so you can handle the cats hehe. Enjoy them. I love our photos we have taken in graphics and i love how we used to show each other pictures on the Macs in graphics which was mainly me showing cats to you haha. This year i will make sure you sit next to me so it will be easier to show each other pictures and take photos when Isobel or Jack isn't looking haha. I'm always going to be here for you love. Thank you.
To everyone else, Thank you for helping me through these tough times and for giving me advice and taking my mind off things. You have all been amazing :)

I am completely in love with you!

I have the most amazing boyfriend ever! I've loved him ever since year 7 but didn't tell him until year 11. We finally got together on the 7th March 2010. It was the happiest day of my life so far. I couldn't stop smiling. Not even for one second. I was just so happy that finally we were together after liking him for so long.

We have had a rough relationship, people trying to break us up, getting involved and being complete assholes! But through all of that we are strong. We fought through it because we loved each other. Our relationship has been a little bit on and off throughout the really tough times, but we have always ended up back in each others arms each time.

I have so many memories of me and him that i never want to lose. I honestly love him with all my heart and to be honest i think i always will. He's been there fo

r me through so much. Through my mental illness and through my break downs he has been there and i thank him so

much! He means the world to me and if i ever lost him, it would break my heart in half. I depend on him. He is my guardian angel. He is everything

i ever wanted. He is perfect to me. I remember once when he went away on holiday to France, i missed him so much and 2 days before he was due back i left him a message saying that i miss him like crazy and that i want him home. Just after i sent that message i got a phone call from James saying 'Come outside my mum has something for you.' I was really scared that his mum was going to do something but instead i saw someone get out of the car... It was James! I was in tears! I was in so much shock. I cried for about an hour after because i was so happy that he was home with me. It was the best thing that had happened to me. I was so pleased to have him back in my arms.

I would do anything for him i really would. He means so much to me and i hope he does feel the same about me. He is the air i breath, the beat to my heart and the reason i smile. He k

nows how to make me smile.

He also likes to spoil me A LOT! He has bought me, all of desperate housewives, sex and the city, scrubs, 90210, the Saw films and so much more. These were for like birthdays, Christmas and a few surprise treats. I do tell him not to waste his money on me but men never listen.

I don't get to see my boyfriend much anymore as he has a new job at Poundland and works a lot of hours. I miss him when he's at work and all i want to do is go into poundland

and just walk up to him and kiss him. I love him so much and i need him to survive. He has my heart.

He means everything to me. I never ever want to lose him again because i need him. I need him to get through my illness, he has actually stayed with me through it all. I thank him so much for this!

You are my everything James and i love you so much with all my heart forever and ever. Never forget that and i will always be here for you. I am forever yours. My heart is forever yours James.

Is it wrong to jealous of your partner?

Everyone gets jealous at times, but what if you became constantly jealous of your own partner? The problem is... i am jealous of my boyfriend and it is horrible.
When people say they are jealous, they usually mean jealous of one or two things or even objects that another person has, but i'm jealous on nearly every aspect of his life.
1. I'm completely jealous about how much clothes he's got. He's quite fashionable and has more clothes than me which is just strange because he is a boy. Most boys don't have many clothes but he does.
2. I'm jealous that he can drive before me. He is such a good driver and he learnt and passed within around 2 months. Lucky thing! But what gets me even more is the fact that he got given a car for free, whereas i'm going to have to buy one. He also didn't have to pay for the first year of his insurance. It's so not fair as i have to pay for everything and i wont be able to afford it.
3. I'm jealous because he is more wealthy than me. He has good money in him and this will give him a great head start with life whereas i have nothing to start me off. It just seems like he's going to have an easier life than me.
4. I'm jealous of how smart he is. He is sooooooo smart and i'm just average. This does bother me sometimes because if i say something wrong he will correct me instantly (but everyone does that i suppose) its just the fact that he's smarter than me and does better and finds school/sixth form easier than me.
5. I'm jealous that he is better looking than me. This sounds stupid but that's how i feel. He is sooooooo good looking and i'm not. I have to cover my face in makeup to even look nice at all.
6. I'm jealous of his job. I work at a Hotel which is bloody hard work as i am a chambermaid. i'm always knackered after work which is usually between 3-5 hours whereas James has an easier job in poundland and does like 10 hours a day giving him more money than me even though i have a higher wage.
As you can see i'm pretty jealous of my boyfriend which is not good at all. I wish i weren't because when he talks about work or his car i just go quiet because of my jealousy.
If there is any ways you know to stop people from being jealous... i'd love to know!!

When is it not okay to be honest?

People say that honesty is the best policy, but how come peoples feelings get hurt when you are being honest and even when you're not?
I have mixed feelings about honesty... telling someone that their hair looks horrible (even when you didn't ask for their opinion) is crossing the line i think. But that's the thing.. many people say they like to be told these things if they are out and about. I personally don't. I got told last night by my sisters boyfriend that my hair looks horrible natural and that i should straighten it all the time. Well i'm sorry but i dont have the time to constantly damage my hair. He also said something about my clothes. I have these really nice brown trousers but i was wearing a baggy boys t-shirt with it (one of my boyfriends which i wear it when i miss him) and he said my clothes do nothing for me and that i looked terrible. Fair enough everyone has their own opinion but to be truly honest... i would of liked him to keep it to himself.
In other cases honesty is the best policy, especially when you are in a relationship. The worst thing you can do is hide things from your partner because sooner or later they will find out and then be hurt that you never told them.
Is honesty really the best policy though? It hurts peoples feelings at times and without honesty... you still get hurt.
Tell me what you think about honesty?